My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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