I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
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