so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
