think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Duck Duck Cougar?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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