oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
