beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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