I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
