please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
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