Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
