oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize