Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
