there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
