My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize