if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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