omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
