South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
