look no pants
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
