I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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