He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
