my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
