You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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