I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
All the doctor said was why
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
