My room smells like vodka and shame
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize