No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize