i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
