I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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