You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
