So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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