It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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