No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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