Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize