Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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