I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
