im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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