He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
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