He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
