well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
