I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
