I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
