I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
