Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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