I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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