420 ftw
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
