I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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