Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
