wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
