she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
