This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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