You really coming over, don't trick.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
