at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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