May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
