Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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