we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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