come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
