please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
