she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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