I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
