dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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