Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
