dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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