there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Randomize
