is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
