she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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