Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
