my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
where are my eyebrows?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
