So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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