South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
