Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
