dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
