Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
