he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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