My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
