"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
