hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
