I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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