I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
