i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
