Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
