I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
