So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
