And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
