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I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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