I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize