I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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