Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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