she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
