took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize