Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
