Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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