I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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