At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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