is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
