Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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