Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
